i lost my virginity this weekend.

early sunday morning, along with about 13,000 people, i laced up my sneakers, loaded up the playlist & hit the pavement running... for my first ever 1/2 marathon. although running 13.1 miles is definitely a daunting task, it's a wee bit easier when you have a friend or two by your side (or at least in the near vicinity).with an "official chip time" of 2 hours, 13 minutes & 15 seconds and a division place of 239 (of 1252 women ages 30-34), i'm feeling pretty good about myself. not bad for a gal 4 months & 4 days post baby, & about two weeks of training. now the question is, what's next?

let's talk dirty.

this weekend i did something that made jeffy get all hot & flustered. get your minds out of the gutter, please! it was nothing like that! what i did, probably made him more excited & happy then that ever could... i went mountain biking.

although getting all geared up in my shorts & jersey, helmet & gloves didn't exactly make me feel pretty (or even remotely sexy), jeffy seemed to think i looked pretty hot - or at least that's what he says. i guess it's true what they say... boys like dirty girls.

so there i was, looking totally & completely professional. & yet, i was a jumble of nerves on the inside. the last time i had taken to the hills on my bike, i fell not once, not twice, but three times. & these were full-blown, over-the-handlebars, twisted-up-in-the-bike, dirt-on-your-teeth types of falls. when i realized, just a few days later, that i was pregnant, i decided it was time i hang up the mountain bike, at least momentarily.

this weekend, i decided that it was time for my riding sabbatical to be over. i broke out my riding shoes (classic vans with a rose patch covering the hole from my last bike ride, because i'm way too scared to "clip in" quite yet), strapped on my helmet & straddled the bike. & let me tell you, even with an entire year to work up to this ride, i was still terrified. the feel of the dirt, rocks slip-sliding under the weight of my bike, the fear that at any moment i could (& very possibly would) go flying over the front of the handlebars, made my entire insides shudder with every dip & bump. i did everything i'm not supposed to do, & nothing that i should do. & through it all, i held my breath, & continually prayed that i would make it off the mountain alive.

i did eventually make it off the mountain, but let's just say i descended rather slowly... i don't know if i'll ever be comfortable going fast. give me a hill to climb, any day. but unfortunately, what goes up, must come down. so down i came, grasping the handle bars tight as i can, sticking out my butt as far as i could, with the phrase "i think i can! i think i can!" constantly on the brain.

i'm starting to develop a complex.

yes, i realize that i just had a baby. yes, i realize that she was my third baby. yes, i realize that my body isn't just going to bounce back. these are all truths that i've accepted. however, i'm starting to develop just a bit of a complex, courtesy of my four year old gavin. case, or rather, cases in point...

* the day after i had charlie, the boys came to visit me in the hospital. at one point, i got up out of bed & immediately gavin said "oh good mom! you're almost skinny again."
* recently i bribed my kids with the promise of mickey d's happy meals (yes, i am that mom). we were waiting in the drive thru, when gavin randomly announced "mom, you can't eat mcdonald's. it will make you fat." funny thing is, he doesn't think the rule applies to him.
* just yesterday, gavin was giving the babysitter a tour of our house. when he got to our office, where my bike is set up on the trainer, gavin told her "& this is the bike my mom has to ride to make her skinnier."

if this keeps up, & gavin continues to be more concerned (than i am) about how skinny i am, i don't know if i'll have the nerve to get into a bathing suit this summer. personally, i've been pretty thrilled with my recovery, but gavin's got me doubting myself. oh heavens!

today, my running shoes came out of retirement.

luckily, their forced retirement was short-lived... boy did it feel good to tie those babies on. & within moments of tying my laces, gigi came running, ready to hit the pavement with me. seeing as she has put on a few sympathy pounds, as i've continually gained more & more weight over the last several months, i guess it's only fitting that she accompany me. unfortunately, the whole "running" part didn't come as easily as i imagined. in fact, today i realized that i run like a girl. actually, i run more like a granny - some one's great granny that is.

i started out strong. going up the hill i was feeling pretty good. but it didn't take long for me to realize how out of shape i am. pretty soon i was huffing & puffing along. my steps started to slow, if not drag. good thing i had brought gigi along - she was able to pull me along. i may have been slow (so slow, i probably could have walked faster) but i didn't stop once, & i never walked... i just kept putting one foot in front of the other.

i wouldn't say i ran very far, but, it was a start. by the time we were done, both gigi & i were exhausted. gigi's tongue was nearly dragging on the pavement & mine probably looked pretty similar. not only was i tired, but i felt like all my girly parts were going to fall out - like i just had another baby... but i'm sure that was just all the fat melting away.

& how did i celebrate this first post-pregnancy workout? by finishing up the remainders of a tub of coffee heath bar crunch. okay, so that doesn't exactly help me eliminate the big fat post pregnancy butt i've developed, but it's all about the baby steps here.