just another day in paradise.

the lighting is dim, almost non-existent, except of course for the flickering black lights, which resemble a low-budget light show. the music is pumping. i look around & everyone, including me, is moving & swaying to the beat. i feel a bead of sweat roll down my forehead & quickly i reach up to wipe it away.

he peers around the corner. almost immediately i feel him watching me. i try to play dumb & ignore him, but he starts to move towards me. he weaves in & around the other people, swiftly, almost athletically. all the while, i feel his eyes on me. as he makes his way across the room a zillion thoughts enter my mind. "me? he can't be heading towards me. i must be calm... play it cool." when he finally reaches my side, he says nothing. he simply head nods towards the door, while raising his eyebrows just a bit. mesmerized, i too say nothing. and almost trance-like i follow him. once again he weaves in & around the other people, this time however, i am following. i notice that people have started to notice us. i feel their eyes on us & hear the whisperings. although, at this point i'm too self-involved to really pay too much attention... i'm too busy thinking to myself, over & over "he came for me?!"

after what seems an eternity, we finally reach a quiet place, somewhere where "we can talk". immediately, without even thinking, i ask the question on my mind. "what did they do, & which one was it?" he simply shakes his head & said i'd have to talk to the child-care coordinator about that. i reach the children's play area & the first thing i notice is that there are four children, two of which are mine. in the corner of the room stood the "child-care coordinator". as soon as i walk in, she blurts out "they have to leave." whoa?! what?! they have to leave? what in the world could have prompted this? i'm the first to admit that my children aren't angels. but the definitely aren't malicious trouble makers.... it's not like they go around biting, pushing & otherwise bullying kids for no reason at all.

pointing at gavin she says "he dumped the crayons", and then pointing at owen she says "& he pushed him back" pointing to another boy (who was twice o's size & probably age as well). shocked & very embarrassed, i didn't think to actually ask any questions. i simply gathered up my boys & left the facility, with my head hanging very, very low. i'd always worried about it, even had nightmares about it, but i never thought i would have been banned from the child-care at my gym! & even though i think the child-care coordinator may have over-reacted (come on! kicking us out because a 3 year old dumped some crayons, & because a 1 and 1/2 year pushed back at a 4 year old), i'm still too embarrassed to say anything about it. instead of being brave, brushing it off & going back the next day. i decided to cower. it took nearly a week for me to get up the nerve to go back. however, now, i leave the house early each morning, hoping to get in a workout before my family even wakes up. still embarrassed, i try to sneak in & out of the gym before the child-care coordinator even arrives.

so i'll admit it, loud & proud... i am a total wimp! maybe the next time i go to the gym, i can work on strengthening my backbone!