it's been one of those
days, er weeks, okay... months. it feels good to say it out loud, let the healing process begin.
as much i wish i were, i've never claimed to be super mom, or to live a practically perfect life. that's the stuff fairy tales are made of. & while i am living my own version of "happily ever after," it's definitely not disney material. but lately, things aren't even close to being perfect, in fact, life seems to be utter chaos. these days, i've been fighting the blues, you might say i've been just a wee bit grumpy. i don't know, maybe you can relate, or maybe you'll think i'm completely off my rocker - but it feels as though i'm slowly drowning. i try not to let it show... that's what i do, what i've always done. i like to build a wall or fortress around myself, slowly shutting out friends, family & the world - transforming myself into what jeffy lovingly calls the "ice princess." sweet of him, huh? it's the sad, but real, truth. i can feel it happening. so i'm trying hard to fight it. each and every day i wake up & try to put on a brave face. i try to think of all the things i'm grateful for, for all of the wonderful blessings and opportunities i have & have had throughout my life. and most days i manage to come out on top. but not lately.
if you know me, you may or may not have noticed a difference. maybe you've realized that i don't call as much, that i'm not as "bubbly" as usual, or that i'm just not any fun to be around anymore. but, if you were to ask me about it, i probably brushed you off, or simply said "i'm fine." but that's just it, i'm not fine. but, i don't really want to complain, & i definitely don't want to talk about myself. yet here i am, doing both - complaining & talking about myself.
but, i've finally decided, instead of drowning in my own personal sea of sorrow, i'm going to "put it all out there." i'm going to open myself up, think good thoughts, & hope the universe takes pity on me. either that, or maybe i'll just move to austrailia - i hear the weather's nice & maybe i'll run into alexander, he knows what it's like to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad
day month. but don't mind me, pretty soon this blog will be back to it's regularly scheduled programming, that is if anyone is even reading it still. & if you do happen to still be reading, i hope i didn't just scare you off.
image via here.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
it's been one of those