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Thursday, July 9, 2009

the truth about motherhood.

going on month number two in little charlie's life, i still find myself pretty much housebound. that's right, i haven't quite gotten the hang of taking three kids out on the town. & as much as i'd prefer to be crafting, holding my little baby, doesn't leave much time for projects. so, these days i find myself watching lots of tv. did you happen to catch oprah's the truth about motherhood episode? maybe it's just the stage (of life) i'm in right now, but i swear the entire show was the extension of an on-going conversation playing inside my head. everything they said, i could totally relate to... "oprah is saluting moms everywhere and letting them know they have support. 'we hear from mothers all the time who say they feel alone. they feel overwhelmed; they feel sometimes inadequate. and you say you're afraid to admit the truth for fear of bing judge," oprah says. 'so today we're creating a judgment-free zone, a sisterhood of motherhood where anything goes."

when they said "the expectations we have on ourselves is completely unrealistic. this generation of women was raised to believe that we should and could do it all... and that list (of expectations) is so huge that we think if we can't live up to that, then we're not good moms." i wanted to shout: AMEN! & i couldn't agree more with the idea that "the one universal truth about motherhood seems to be that no one ever tells you what to really expect." so, today, i too am "creating a judgment-free zone, a sisterhood of motherhood where anything goes". & although i LOVE being a mom, (i really, really do!), sometimes, i wish i had been more prepared for motherhood, if you know what i mean. so, here are some of the truths about motherhood, that no one remembered to tell me. maybe someone else can benefit, or possibly at least relate...

* every woman doesn't LOVE being prego. there definitely are some women who do, but i wasn't one of them. i hated getting fat, i never had that "pregnancy glow". all in all, pregnancy isn't exactly my favorite stage in life.
* recovery AFTER the delivery can sometimes be harder, and worse, than the actual delivery. (i was put on bed rest for 6 weeks after i had gavin.)
* stay in the hospital as long as possible. you might be bored & lonely, but when you go home, you're on your own. at least in the hospital you can call a nurse for help.
* i must not have paid very good attention during health class, because i did not realize i would bleed for weeks. (a bit personal, i know, but a truth about motherhood that i did not know.)
* breastfeeding might be natural, but it is definitely NOT easy & often times it can be painful
* hemorrhoids, 'nuf said!
* your boobs will never be perfect again... they'll get super huge (& probably painful while engorged), & then they'll shrink down, practically becoming indentations.
* just because you carried the baby for nine months, doesn't mean you can soothe & quiet them when they are screaming bloody murder, for hours & hours on end.
* sometimes, you'll go days without showering. a pony tail will become your new 'do, a hat your new best friend, & you can go hours without realizing you haven't eaten anything.
* finding the energy & time to do all the things you "used" to do isn't going to be easy
* sleeping more than 2 hours in a row should be considered a luxury
* getting the time & energy to clean the house, fold the laundry, or load the dishwasher will make you feel like you've won the lottery
* counting the number of wet & dirty diapers will become your new hobby
* you'll find yourself thinking "of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It's amazing how the day fills up. (especially when you are feeding the baby every 6 units!)"via about a boy.
* in the end, holding your little baby, seeing them smile, hearing them laugh... will make you forget everything else, as though it never happened, & make you willing to possibly, do it all over again.
edited to add:
* i always knew i was going to breastfeed, i just was never prepared for how much i could (and would) leak. i didn't realize that i could soak through my shirt, even while wearing a nursing pad.
* i wasn't prepared for being man-handled by everyone. i didn't realize that i would also get used to totally strangers grabbing & "feeling up" my boobs.

so, your turn. what are some of the truths about motherhood that you wished someone had told you? what's the real scoop on motherhood?

54 comments:

~Kimberly said...

Let me first stand up and scream AMEN to you!! As a mommy of 3 expecting #4 in the next 3 weeks, with hubby in Afghanistan, I was like YES, to each example!

*NO one told me I would be curling my toes for the first 2 weeks of breastfeeding and biting down on a bullet so I didn't scream obscenities when baby latched on because it felt like razor blades. But that too shall pass... even though it seems like it will never get better... it does!

Shannon said...

The overwhelmed part is the biggest one for me - I do feel like I have to be able to be and do it all... and since I've gone back to work full time, it's only gotten MORE overwhelming.. to the point that some days I could just SCREAM - ok... sometimes I DO JUST THAT! But... the BIGGEST, BIGGEST thing for me is the love i FEEL for both of my children... it is unmatched and unconditional... it wins over any of the other feelings I may have as a mother!!!

kristi lee said...

well said, my friend. having that third was a HUGE adjustment for me too. my youngest will be 2 in just a few months and i'm just feeling like i'm getting back to a normal groove. i got nothing else to add to your list. just really glad we have a way to support each other through this whole blogging world.

lamb-made said...

I usually just lurk but had to add to this wonderful discussion. I too found pregnancy to be awful. I made it through the first time by thinking of the blissful happiness I would experience when it was over (wrong! my first born was ... a challenge: breastfeeding (oh, the visits with the lactation ladies), sleeping (amazingly her problem was too much sleeping - sadly that did not translate into lots of sleep for me but rather lots of time spent trying to wake her up and make her nurse), pooping (opposite problem - not enough), etc.) I made it through the 2nd by telling myself "This too shall pass" and knowing that I meant both the pregnancy and the difficulty of those first few months of new life. Anyway, the truth about motherhood that no one told me (in addition to every one of the things you mentioned)is that while people are super kind to pregnant ladies ("Oh, don't lift that, I'll do it for you", or "Please park here so you don't have far to walk", etc.)that all seems to abruptly end when the baby comes. Yes I waddled while pregnant, yes I couldn't bend over to pick things up, but seriously it is much harder AFTER the baby. Men seem to think that after the birth you are fine and dandy (you are not) and people seem to assume that you can easily manage things like getting everyone in car seats, strollers, shopping carts,opening doors, lifting heavy boxes, etc. without any help (and you can, but it is a lot easier with help!) Well... that is my two cents: people should be nicer to new mommies. Thanks for a great blog!

Robin said...

I love this post too. Every Mom is different but most women struggle through many of those experiences. We all try to do the best to take care of our families but I forget to take care of myself. Now 18 years as a mother, I realized the long time diet soda use, bone loss and high cholesterol from not exercising left me unhealthy. I wish I had taken better care of myself in the last 10 years!

Jackson's Mommy said...

Stretch Marks!!!! My mother never had them and she had 4 children. So naturally you would think maybe I will not get them, mind you I thought of that only once I started to get them. No one told me. Did I mention my mom had 4, and no stretch marks!! 1 child and I am ruined.

Holly said...

Amen sister!

I remember everyone telling me that the minute you see your baby for the first time you fall in love. Not true for everyone. I remember looking at my daughter and being scared and honestly thinking, "what have I done?" Don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my children, but it's not love at first sight for everyone.

Mara said...

Thank you for addressing this subject! I felt the same way about that Oprah show! But, I didn't have any mommies to talk to about it with. Now that our baby is 13 months I am struggling with missing the classroom (I was/am a teacher) and feeling completely fulfilled as a stay at home mom. I also find it incredibly difficult to stay in the moment and remain present with our daughter. She is our first, and I am the only one home with her, so I am all she has all day.

I also am completely scared to death to go through another pregnancy while trying to care for a toddler. I know mommies do it all the time while working full-time. But, I was so sick with the first that I don't know how I will manage it all. And then I have all the 'joy' you mentioned to look forward to!

Allison said...

This is kind of included in your list, but the one I hate most is being so hormonal/emotional. After I've had each of my kids, everything seems like such a big deal and insurmountable. Between hormones and sleep deprivation, you are not yourself for at least a few months.

Secondly - your baby might have to stay in the hospital. When I had my twins my little boy was in the NICU for 3 weeks. I was not prepared for that, and although 3 weeks seems like now big deal now, it was awful at the time. I could barely get there once a day to see him since I had another newborn and a 2 year old. I wish someone had prepared me a little bit (or I had prepared myself) for the possibility of a baby staying in the hospital.

Laura said...

That sometimes the mother love just goes out the window at 3 a.m. You just want some sleep.

Shana said...

I'd personally like to thank you for this post. I too am the mother of 3. I had 3 kids in 3 years...a total of 2 years and 8 months between #1 and #3. 2 of which were not planned...

I all too often feel inadequate, cry about how nothing gets done in the house, and feel overwhelmed. I don't know who or why "They" think that a house with 3 little ones can be spotless. I'm lucky I can cook a decent dinner. We live out of laundry baskets because I can get it clean but I can't get it put away.

Some truths from me:
don't feel guilty if your baby doesn't latch or if you just don't want to breastfeed. My spectrum ranges from not latching at all to refusing a bottle. All 3 of mine are healthy, happy kids.

-the amount of diapers you go through when they are newborn is RIDICULOUS.

-a Colic baby will make you cry, scream, even wish you never had them. Then when that baby smiles and starts to sleep.....you forget about it all. My colic son is now my BEST sleeper. Go figure.

- Stop thinking you can do it all (with 1 or 3 kids). You can't. Do your best. Do what is necessary. Laundry, cook, tidy up. Don't think your house will EVER be the same as it was before kids....it won't until they go to school.

-The greatest feeling in the world...."Mommy, you're the best mommy in the world. I love you"

-Your husband finding you MORE attractive than EVER after having kids.

Amy said...

Great post! I have an almost three year old and am due in December. I've been worried about how I'll handle it, even though I know people have it tougher than I do. I think the most important thing (that you mentioned) is cutting yourself some slack. Yes, others have it harder than me (more kids, closer together, etc.) but I'm living MY LIFE so it's ok to feel overwhelmed and then just work to get over it. :)

Cafe Johnsonia said...

Kelly--I love you! Everything you wrote is TRUE!

I remember going to church two weeks after I had my baby. (Why???) And I looked at everyone with all their kids and I was angry with all of them. Why didn't they tell me I was going to be up ALL night long? Why didn't they tell me that nursing doesn't always work and that you might get thrush and have it with every single baby thereafter??? And that I'd have to learn how to do dishes with one hand, vacuum with a baby on my hip, shower with company, and never sit down to eat a meal again?

Pregnancy was so wonderful the first time around and not so much the other times.

The one thing I never thought would happen: my appreciation for my parents grew exponentially. I was so convinced I was going to do things better than they did. Now I just hope to make it until they turn 18 and become adults. LOL

I'm sorry about the thrush. I still have it. I'll e-mail you with my routine. It's the only thing that worked--plus the diet.

XOXO

Becky said...

I just had #3 5 weeks ago and EVERY SINGLE ONE of your statements is SO true. I just found myself laughing (or cringing) in agreement. Here is one of my truths:

You might not feel love for your new baby for a few days or even a week. This only happened with my first - I was so excited to have him, and then when I did, I didn't want him. But like I said, that only lasted a couple days and now I cannot get enough of him...well, somedays.

Kelli said...

I have lots to say:

*First, great post! Thanks for opening up and allowing others to do the same.

*The biggest thing for me was knowing about the possiblity of postpardum depression. I had no idea what the signs were and ended up being diagnosed with it about a month after my daughter was born. I know more people should be aware.

*Just because you're Mommy doesn't mean the baby is going to want you most for comfort. Daddy's chest may be more comfortable (this was the case with my daughter, but not my son...he wanted me).

*It doesn't all just fall into place, you kind of have to prepare...for outings, bath time, lunch, etc. Having a routine helps a lot.

*When people offer to watch the baby, write their name down and REALLY call them. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

I'm like you, I love being a mom, but it is an adjustment that doesn't always come naturally and that DOES NOT make you a bad mom...it makes you a real mom.

Wendy said...

I love your blog....I found it listed on another friend's blog and it's just so fresh and fun!

My addition to your "truth about motherhood" would be that when you least expect it, your whole world can fall apart. At 37-years-old and 20 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby we got the unexpected news that something was wrong. Our baby girl has a rare genetic abnormality...including heart defects and extra fluid in her brain. I never, ever thought this could happen to me, but of course, who does?

This rollercoaster of a ride has sucked the life out of me on most days, but has also brought me joy that I could never experience any other way. My older kids are 17, 15, and 9....it's hard to keep up with all of them between appointments with specialists and therapies, but somehow we do it.

Our special girl is happy and adorable, and to see her in person you'd never know all that she's been through in her short 3 1/2 years.

Life doesn't always go the way we had planned....but try to enjoy the ride!

Wendy

i'm kelly said...

Oh heavens ladies! Thanks for opening up and being honest. I have to admit I was a little worried about posting this, should I? Shouldn't I? But I realized I've never claimed to be perfect, and THIS is my life right now, so I might as well document it for posterity's sake. Thankyou for adding your two cents. Some have you have made me laugh, others have brought tears to my eyes, and it's only 8 in the morning. Another couple truths I forgot
* I knew I was going to breastfeed, I just was never prepared for how much I could (and would) leak. I didn't realize that I could soak through my shirt while wearing a nursing pad.
* I wasn't prepared for being man-handled by everyone.I didn't realize that I would also get used to totally strangers grabbing & "feeling up" my boobs.

kristen said...

Hmm let's see...I wasn't prepared for: 1. how long it takes you to get out the door--i have a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old and I'm still lucky if I make it out of the house before noon. 2. How messy my house gets-and I swear I'm constantly cleaning it! 3. How frustrating breastfeeding could be-with my first it lasted a few days-she couldn't latch on. It was that whole boob-nipple-baby head ratio--my boobs were huge (DD) my nipples extremely small (sorry of that's TMI) and her head-well a baby head and it just didn't work. With my 2nd I was determined to be better and i breastfed exclusively for 2 weeks but then I couldn't do it any more--every feeding took at least 45 minutes, and she was hungry every 2 hours-my 3 year old wasn't handling it well! So then I pumped for a few more months and that was that. and 4. How overwhelming life in general is--taking full time care of kids, a house, a husband, a job, and trying to have fun and a little bit of a social life..it's HARD!

kyla said...

Amen!! I too am a mommy of three. I thought I was brilliant in waiting 5 years between kids. Now that I have a teenager and a toddler I realise I'm a complete dumba@#!!
* no one told me my"hoo-hoo" would feel like ground hamburger after delivery
* no one told me that after a cecerian w/ number three I wouldn't even be able to roll over without crying for weeks
*no one told me that after hours spent cleaning the house it will be destroyed in a matter of minutes
* no one prepared me for my oldest daughter telling me that when she grows up she wants to have "long" boobs like me

Kelly, it will get better! At some point you'll just smile and think Life goes on!! If what does not kill us makes us stronger; than as mothers we are invincible!!!

Mrs. Heather said...

I feel like I have had a productive day if I have made it out to the mailbox to collect the mail! I think you covered it all - perhaps the one thing you didn't mention that has been the hardest post pregnancy issue for me is trying to love my body after baby - loose skin and stretch marks makes it very difficult- and I just don't think husbands understand just how ugly we feel at times with the belly flap!
Thanks for letting us all know that you don't feel like superwoman - cause you usually have me fooled!

Sam said...

I think that we all expect to be in deep love with our child the second we see them. Honestly, I was like "huh, thats a baby." It was a few weeks until I was really attached and now I hate leaving her for an hour. She is so much nicer than some adults!

Oh, and just because you have big boobs doesn't mean breastfeeding will be any easier. Sometimes harder!

Great post!

Lene said...

I don't think I was prepared for the total lack of privacy a Mom has. I really can't remember the last time I went to the bathroom by myself.

Lin said...

I dont have any kids yet but we're planning on having one in about a year or so (I have graves disease & it needs to be under control in order to get prego). And, OMG all this information is so good to know!

My mom always told me, you're body will never be the same after kids, your boobs will sag & the stretch marks will never go away. This (& more) scares the poo out of me & I'm sure as much as I plan for it to go well, I'll never be 'prepared'. But, I'm glad to hear that all of it is worth it in the end. Thanks for the all the info & I love your blog!

this blessed nest said...

wow!!!
sooo much to say, but 3 kids crawling around...
love that we have oprah's support. love that you tackled this subject as well!
breastfeeding/nursing twins for a year now. talk about leaking boobs. oh my! no way is it easy. yes, natural. but so physically hard, challenging, mind boggling, and truly tests your nervous system every day. i nursed my first for about 14 months. so much easier. we are truly housebound. have been for the past year. if we dare go out...it is for 3 hours at a time. then come back home to nurse. on the rare days my husband is home - i am able to nurse outside of the home, while he holds one & i nurse the other. looking back i am so glad we did it. but so hard for a relationship and on older siblings when 2 are involved. as i am sure with one baby & older siblings. babies just demand so much.
but... boy oh boy are they ever worth it. the joys over shadows the bad. but we always count down the hours until daddy comes home from work. another set of hands is always comforting when he walks in the door!

sorry so long. ha! we all have so much to say!

Mom2fur said...

I did pay attention and still don't remember the 'bleeding for six weeks' lesson, either, so you aren't alone on that one! (Honestly, though, it wasn't nearly as much with the subsequent 3.)
My first pregnancy was pretty easy. I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times I was really sick, and still have my thumb left. But the next three--well, by the time I went through nine months of being deathly ill with the fourth, I knew that was it. And to think, there was a time I wanted 8 kids! I laughed to remember this as I watched #4 graduate last Sunday!

Yes, boobie feeding stung--but I had a sweet friend who advised me to toughen 'em up by rubbing them with towels, so it helped quite a bit. But I do remember cringing a lot with my firstborn...and that was 26 years ago!

Anyone who expects a family with a new baby to keep a clean house is a snob, so don't invite them over.

Remember the big rule:

Don't stand when you can sit, and don't sit when you can lay down!

Regarding babies who cry forever (or so it seems): I truly believe they know you are doing your best to help!

Madison Envy said...

Thanks for posting this! I am pregnant with #1, due in Dec. and I'm glad to hear some other mom's opinions and thoughts!

Kara Jayne said...

great post kelly!!

the thing i think people should know is that there is no 'one right way' to be a great mother. everyone is an individual...their kids are individuals...and every family does things the way that they know best/works best. moms need to STOP judging and comparing each other.

some of the best advice my mom gave me was right after we moved across the country...for the third time...with four kids (the oldest just turned 6, the youngest was 12 weeks old). i had told her how i was so overwhelmed and felt like i would never catch up. her reply...

'oh honey...you won't! don't do that to yourself, because it will never happen. that's not the stage of life you are in. do your best and try to enjoy something about everyday.'

so to all those mothers who think you will never catch up?!...you won't...so let go of the guilt!!

Heed said...

No one told me that there is such thing as a MALE Lactation Certified Nurse. What is that?
And why did he happen to be in the NICU when I was learning to feed twins?
And why didn't I say, "no, this is totally uncomfortable"?,
and why did his wife allow him to get certified in that area? (yes, he was married.),
and why did he introduce the lame nipple shield?
That was my biggest shocker.
I believe in equal opportunities - but really?
(I'm sorry blogging male lactation specialists!)

Amanda said...

I too had problems with leakage... then I found these: http://www.lilypadz.com/

They saved my life. I no longer had to change the sheets EVERY DAY!

The Grahams said...

I'm so glad I am not the only one that hated being pregnant and never had that glow. It was just so uncomfortable and no one ever told me about the constant nasty discharge and all the other fun stuff that comes with being preggo

mama jo said...

hang in there...they do grow up...and no one tells you anything, they are afraid you'd never have kids...

Traci said...

this really was a great post, wish i had seen the oprah episode, since the tykes seem to be in charge of the tv!
anyways, with my 3rd baby coming up on his 1st birthday- i will say i am sooo overjoyed that nursing finally worked and isn't painful anymore. i am still nursing and going strong!
pregnant and afterwords does have its ups and downs, but kissing those tykes heads each night makes it all worth it in the end!
i will also say that i have become a little more laidback with the housework- you just don't really have a choice. thank goodness my husband told me- i would rather come home to a messy house and a happy family than a clean home and unhappy family!!!

Lauren said...

Wow! I completely loved reading your post and all the comments. I feel so much better. I really should have my husband read it. We have one wild little girl who just turned 2. I know it was already mentioned but the total pain of recovering from a c-section. OUCH!!! it is completely indescribable. My husband had the listening end of the monitor with him for 2 weeks. and EVERY time. I really mean EVERY time I had to get up from bed, a chair anything he had to come find me and scoop me up from under my arms. when the baby cried and i didnt want to wake him i would roll off the bed in the most agonizing pain. all I'm saying is it's certainly not the easy way out. it is all worth it though. i almost forgot all about that and even the 14 hours a day of crying during colic. I would do it again in a heartbeat though. even when my daughter is having a "crabby day" she'll have atleast one moment where she says "Hi Mommy!" "Hug!" and it totally melts me. i did love her the second i laid eyes on her, but i will admit that i questioned that love, as well as my ability to mother her when we went through colic. i wouldn't change it for the world. she's the best thing in the whole world!

N. Cook said...

I agree with what somebody else said -- when you're pregnant, people are very gracious and kind. Once you show up with a stroller, a baby, and gear in-tow, strangers almost run in the opposite direction. Only once in a while does somebody open a door for me when I'm out shopping and can use a little help. It's a rude awakening to suddenly be seen as a burden instead of "someone special." I hope that doesn't sound conceited....

Natalie Jane said...

I just added a link to this on my sidebar.

Amen to the lonely part. We go from being employees (or employers), co-workers, students to.....mommys. All alone in our messy houses.

D said...

No one told me it would last more than 18 yrs..more than 20 or 25! My girls are 27, 23 & 20. The still run to mommy, borrow my stuff, ect. They are still are just as jealous of each other as when they were 3. By the way I have a 3 yr old son and they fight with him as tho they were all 4!
It never ends, no matter what.

sb said...

I have to say that I hated being in the hospital with a passion - people coming in at all hours to check me and the baby meant we NEVER slept. I didn't have a problem with being overwhelmed and didn't call the nurse. I was glad to go. Things I wished I'd known:

Newborn babies cry. A lot. Even without being colicky, they aren't always the sleeping angels you see in pictures.

Slightly older babies STILL may not sleep. While it seems all my friends have babies that sleep through the night, mine still gets up 2-4x. Sleep training needed? Such is one of the hard baby parenting decisions.

Steph said...

Your post comes at a great time for me as I am about to have my 3rd, I am a working mom of 2 right now an I find myself sometimes at my wits end. My older 2 are 5 and 7 and I am very worried that having a new baby in the house will totally throw things into a huge tailspin.

I am not enjoying being pregnant this time around and I selfishly think it is due to the fact that I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant and was running nearly 20 miles a week. The thought of trying to get back to that seems daunting to me.

Patricia Linehan said...

Great list! 1. No one told me that cocoa butter doesn't necessarily guarantee you won't get stretch marks [sometimes genetics are just too darn strong!]. 2. No one told me that I'd still look pregnant after delivery. 3. No one told me that the whole "baby" part gets easier with each additional child [it's meeting the needs of the older ones in addition to the little bundle that's challenging].

Sunshine said...

Great Post!! When my 2 year old was born I just knew my husband would be "hands on" - not so much. I think he was scared he would hurt the baby. So when I told my girlfriends he was not a "baby dad" all of them quickly said - oh we could have told you that either were our husbands...HELLO a little heads up would have been good. Don't get me wrong there are A LOT of husbands that love the baby stage...I just wish I knew that was a option.

the mama monster said...

this is a great post. i wish i would have seen that oprah too! some thing nobody told me-

the contractions after you have baby while breastfeeding! they got worse with each child. seriously worse than contractions during delivery.

i had my third boy 10 months ago and i still have only taken all three out only a handful of times. it just doesn't work...ever. i always think it will be ok to run into walmart for 15 minutes- wrong. every time i leave in tears.

how bummed out you get over little things. i think you hit it spot on when you said that you can't do everything. we as moms think we need to keep house, have hobbies, be dressed cute, be skinny, workout, have smart/ well behaved/ kids who are constantly doing new things. and guess what? we don't! our moms didn't go out and play after their kids were born, they didn't work out and look perfect. they stayed home with their kids because they new it was and is hell to take a bunch of young kids most places! the best thing my mom told me after my baby was born was to let some things go. i chose yardwork. i simply can not do it all and that's ok!

Panamenos said...

Hmmm... what I didn't know was how you could feel like strangling a child (but of course you don't) one minute and like hugging them the next. ... I never guessed that my kids would be able to make me so frustrated or so happy.

I didn't realize how hard it would be to not compare...my own kids with each other, my kids with other kids their ages, myself with other moms. It's not productive and I don't mean to do it, but it happens anyway.

I also didn't realize that I would be helped so often by others...strangers and friends alike. I don't think I seem incompetent, I think I usually do a pretty good job of handling 3 kids, but so often friends or strangers have offered help without me asking. Watching my kids while I work when my babysitter is sick, helping me unload groceries into my car at the store while I got the kids in the car, etc. I have been brought to tears by the kindness of others on many ocassions, especially when my 2nd had open heart surgery.

I, unlike many others, would never have guessed how much I would love being pregnant. (I really do!) Or that having a baby naturally would literally change my whole perception of myself and what I can do.

Or that, at the end of the day, we all do the best we can and that we need to let that be good enough. But that I would often wonder if it really was.

Tammy said...

Love your post I'm so glad someone spoke up :)Im a stay at home Mom and love every minute of it, there were(are) definitely times when i'm thinking what am I doing?? Then my 4 y/o giggles over something so simple and i just tumble head over heels in Love all over again. God Bless all stay at home MOMS we are never alone!!!!!

Panamenos said...

Thanks again for this post... after thinking about it some more, I decided to do a whole post about it on my blog (panamenos.blogspot.com)... it was very thought provoking.

and thanks for everyone else's comment...even though it is sometimes lonely as a mom, we're really all in this together.

Anonymous said...

I would literally cross my legs when blowing my nose or sneezing... seriously! After one baby the leaking problem is really bad. And the doctor said it gets worse with each one! Oh the joys!

Melissa A. said...

Hi Kelly,
I love your blog and can't wait for the swap. I gave you an award today on my blog.

Anonymous said...

No one told me....how harshly stay-at-home moms judge working moms and vice virsa. we all need to be nicer, more supportive and less judgemental.

Araceli said...

Oh' Kelly, I so thank you and send you a big, big hug thru the computer. WOWZA! You have said everything I felt during MY pregnancy 1 year ago. You are a brave woman for having another one, I wont...I dont miss the 3 month sleep deprivation, Hemmorhoids, oh' yea, and looking like I never shower. Uh' no, not for me...ever!! So many thanks for letting me knwo that I am not the only one! Thank you, thank you!!!

Libby said...

I wish someone would have informed me about "the hotdog bun" that accompanies giving birth to a child (not via c-section)! Ouch for months!

Wendi said...

Well said my friend, well said.
The truth shall set you free.
But seriously, if I knew all of this before I had children...I may have reconsidered.
Sometimes being in the dark is a good thing.
Happy Tuesday!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry much of you feel this way about motherhood. As I would never proclaim myself to be a supermom, I strictly disagree about your truths to motherhood. My babies were sleeping all night long after 12 weeks of age. The truth or trick to motherhood is bottle feeding your new born baby so you will be rested to take on the day to day tasks of motherhood. I feel it is not fair for previous children or husbands to tollerate or put up with screaming babies or sleep deprived wives who can't do anything because they "have to nurse the baby" -- I believe that newborn babies that are fed formula take on routine sleeping habits and are very content. Do yourself, the new baby and your family a favor and try bottle feeding... this is the secret to a happy home! Get over the guilt (Breastfeeding)because there is no guilt when the family can function properly!

BTW- Don't sleep your babies on their backs. It ruins the shape of their heads and trying to reshape them with a helmet is pathetic

G. said...

I can relate to almost everything you said. I love your quote from About a Boy! One thing no one ever told me was how emotional I would be right after the birth...I mean, over the absolute dumbest things,like losing something or just for nothing. crazy.

G. said...

I had to say something about the comment above mine from Anonymous. Everyone has different experiences with preganancy and in my book there is no wrong or right with breastfeeding or bottlefeeding. You have to do what works best for you and your family and what you feel is right for your baby. I just have to say that I breasfed both of my kids and they both started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks, so it's not just bottle fed babies that do that. I don't usually comment when i disagree with another commenter but, when I read that I wanted to say something. What one person does may not work the same for another, and it's OK. Sorry so long.
Oh, and I wish someone would've told me about the whole incontinence thing...I couldn't laugh without wetting myself for weeks after my babies. :)

Stephanie said...

So refreshing to hear about someone else who didn't love being pregnant. I certainly appreciated the miracle of the whole thing and getting a baby out of the deal made it entirely worthwhile, but being pregnant was so not fun for me (being nauseous and huge and unable to tie my shoes wasn't exactly enjoyable). Whenever women tell me how much they loved it, I always get a rather confused look on my face.

But...to each her own. :)

stephanie@metropolitanmama.net